The why behind So Wonderfully Complex

Why So Wonderfully Complex?

If you have read my previous post HERE you know that this blog idea didn’t just come about overnight.  It has been on my heart and mind for a very long time now.  A few months ago, when I was getting up the nerve to bite the bullet and start it I had a completely different name in mind.  I thought it was a great name and I was set on it until just recently.

Let’s rewind a couple of months…

I was sitting in a cancer geneticists office at a very large teaching hospital.  I had known about the gene mutation I had for about a year now, but I guess I didn’t really realize how rare it was until this genetic counselor spelled it out for me.  You see, when I was first diagnosed with cancer, I had genetic testing done since at the time I was only 37.  I was relieved when it came back saying I did not carry the BRAC1 or BRAC2 gene.  Those genes, thanks to Angelina Joile, are more well-known and people seem to be somewhat aware of them.

However, it did show that I carried a variant of the CHEK2 gene.

They assured me, though, that this variant (unlike others of CHEK2) was of unknown significance and most likely didn’t play a role with my diagnosis.  Having two young kids, one being a daughter, a younger sister, a niece, several female cousins, I was relieved.  Fast forward a year and I get a call.  The voice on the other end said,

“I am sorry to tell you this but we now have information saying your variant has changed.  It is no longer of unknown significance but is very significant.  Your genetic testing is now positive.”

What does that mean you ask?

Well, basically this confirms that this gene mutation is most likely the reason I got breast cancer and at the age that I did.  Not only is it linked to a higher chance of breast cancer but also to other cancers too.

During this appointment with the new genetic counselor, he said that not only is CHEK2 and this variant rare, but the fact that my genetic testing changed was extremely rare and they hardly ever see this.  Rare.  A word that my whole life I seem to hear quite often.

I am a redhead….only 2% of the population are redheads.  I am an INFJ which is the rarest Meyers Briggs personality type.  I was diagnosed with the rarest type of breast cancer.  During my last pregnancy not only did I hemorrhage and have complete placenta previa with 6 months of bed rest, but I also had many other things come up during my pregnancy where all of the doctors continued to tell me how rare it was.  While in the hospital one doctor even said she wouldn’t be surprised if they wrote a case study on me.

Rare, Rare, Rare….(in my head it sounds like Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!…if you don’t know the Brady Bunch you won’t understand….sorry!)

When people try to comfort me on things with statistics saying “oh that is really rare and won’t happen” I don’t feel comforted because if it is rare it will probably happen to me!  That has just been the story of my life and most times I just have to laugh because if I don’t I will start to cry….and I am not going to lie, I have let the tears overcome the laughter at times too.

That evening I went home and was pretty emotional, upset and just trying to process it all.

It is hard to always be told how different you are when all I want to be is “normal.”  I spent some time in my “war room” reading a devotional, and just crying out to God.  I picked up my Bible and turned to PSALM 139.  As a child, my mom would always read this PSALM to me on my birthday and it is a tradition I have carried on and read to my kids.  Most people know or have at least heard PSALM 130:14…I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  This is the translation that is most known with this verse.  Well, I decided to read it in my NLT Bible. This is what it says!

Wow! I was made to be wonderfully complex!

Not just wonderfully complex but SO wonderfully complex.  David doesn’t just state that he is wonderfully complex he begins by thanking God for making him this way.  The NIV version says he praises Him for making him the way he did.

That was a wake-up call for me that night.

I definitely wasn’t thanking Him that evening.  I was questioning Him, I was struggling and wondering why I was the way that I am.   I was listening to that voice in my head that was telling me everything I am not, and telling me all of the reasons I should be upset for being the way that I am.

He goes on to say that Gods workmanship is marvelous.  You, my friend, no matter how rare, how complex, how different you feel you are, this is the way you were created to be.  You were knit together in your mothers’ womb by a Creator who loves you.

That night God opened my eyes and laid it on my heart that this was what I was supposed to do.  I had a new direction I was supposed to take with this blog.  I know I am not the only one who struggles with being different. I am not the only one who has a child who is different from his/her peers.  I am not the only one who is told over again that I am rare, and they just don’t understand and even don’t know how to help me.

I am not the only one that needs to be reminded that even though the world and those around us may not understand our complex bodies, or emotions, or personalities or feelings, there is One who is greater that does.  One who created us this way.  Who made all of the delicate, inner parts of our bodies (PSALM 139:13 NLT)

We are a big world of many Wonderfully Complex people and if my story and what I have learned and what I am continuing to learn can help at least one person see how wonderfully made they are no matter how complex they may be, then that is what I am supposed to do!  The rest is just overabundant blessings and favor.  If you have never had a chance to read PSALM 139 I would encourage you to go do that.  If you have read it even many times before, I would encourage you to read it again!